As a parent, watching your children succeed and accomplish wonderful things is a joy to be sure. Watching them not succeed, but forge ahead is a tribute to their strength and perseverance. But watching your children experience pain and loss, and having to make hard decisions and feel grief is painful. I recently discovered a new dimension of pain and heartbreak though, and even through it – I marvel at her strength and compassion.
Seeing the struggle, the compassion and love that drove a decision that would cause her pain while alleviating pain for her faithful companion of more than 10 years instilled in me a fierce pride in her strength while feeling with her the pain of loss.
This is not only about grief – a raw, visceral hurt that leaves a 75-pound hole in your heart… it’s about an emotion even stronger. It’s about a love affair with a 75-pound sleek glossy black fur-covered unconditional bundle of love and joy. (I have been blessed to know that very same unconditional love several times, along with the pain of letting go, so the feeling is not foreign.) It’s about loving so much that you are willing to go through pain to honor that love and prevent suffering. It’s about relying on that love to come through stronger, resting on the comfort of joyful memories and forging ahead in spite of sorrow. Knowing that because of the love you shared, you have the strength and desire to honor their memory by continuing to find and create more loving memories.
Grief can’t be suppressed or swept under a rug. Don’t fool yourself. It has to be felt, acknowledged, and worked through. Seeing the generous outpouring of love from friends and family is yet more validation of the love she has shared with others. Watching her console the “fur sister” – bonded since puppyhood – is yet another demonstration of her generous spirit. Perhaps one of the more challenging aspects of this life event is allowing oneself to be consoled by others. If you have ever been in the role of the caregiver – even briefly; and have been the one that others look to for strength – you know this challenge. How hard it is to let down your guard, accept strength and compassion from others. I am so proud of her for letting this happen.
This, my friends, is the epitome of a Grace Lesson. One that I am blessed to be a part of.
Lert's Lessons in Grace 