Tag: life

Dimensions of Grief

As a parent, watching your children succeed and accomplish wonderful things is a joy to be sure.  Watching them not succeed, but forge ahead is a tribute to their strength and perseverance.  But watching your children experience pain and loss, and having to make hard decisions and feel grief is painful.  I recently discovered a new dimension of pain and heartbreak though, and even through it – I marvel at her strength and compassion. 

Seeing the struggle, the compassion and love that drove a decision that would cause her pain while alleviating pain for her faithful companion of more than 10 years instilled in me a fierce pride in her strength while feeling with her the pain of loss.

This is not only about grief – a raw, visceral hurt that leaves a 75-pound hole in your heart… it’s about an emotion even stronger.  It’s about a love affair with a 75-pound sleek glossy black fur-covered unconditional bundle of love and joy.  (I have been blessed to know that very same unconditional love several times, along with the pain of letting go, so the feeling is not foreign.)  It’s about loving so much that you are willing to go through pain to honor that love and prevent suffering.  It’s about relying on that love to come through stronger, resting on the comfort of joyful memories and forging ahead in spite of sorrow.  Knowing that because of the love you shared, you have the strength and desire to honor their memory by continuing to find and create more loving memories.

Grief can’t be suppressed or swept under a rug.  Don’t fool yourself.  It has to be felt, acknowledged, and worked through.  Seeing the generous outpouring of love from friends and family is yet more validation of the love she has shared with others.  Watching her console the “fur sister” – bonded since puppyhood – is yet another demonstration of her generous spirit.  Perhaps one of the more challenging aspects of this life event is allowing oneself to be consoled by others.  If you have ever been in the role of the caregiver – even briefly; and have been the one that others look to for strength – you know this challenge.  How hard it is to let down your guard, accept strength and compassion from others.  I am so proud of her for letting this happen.

This, my friends, is the epitome of a Grace Lesson.  One that I am blessed to be a part of. 

Purpose?

It has been a while – again.  I write so many posts in my head – and never get around to committing them to paper/computer screen. 

If I asked you what your purpose in life is, how would you answer?  I’m guessing your first answer would be grand and glorious – world changing and earth shaking.  After all – isn’t that what we are supposed to strive for?  It’s the answer we’re supposed to give – altruistic, charitable, selfless, and more.

Great!  Now, really chew on this question a while.  What is your purpose?  Start with today – right now, this very minute.  Maybe things like spontaneous breathing, sitting upright, reading this post?  What about in the next hour?  The rest of the day?  What is your purpose tomorrow?  This week?  Month?  Year?

It is important for me to realize that my purpose and my goals are not one and the same.  I do get to define them, and to mold and change them so that they grow with me. Living in alignment with my purpose is energizing!

I think some people find great purpose in celebrating negativity.  To see and live life through the lens of all that can go wrong, find all the reasons that things won’t work out, and all the ways to shift blame away from themselves and on to others.  I realize that this is a bold statement – maybe contentious to some.  I can make this statement though because I found myself in this situation more than once.  When I found my purpose was starting to shift in this direction (or if it feels like I’m headed back this way) – I am grateful for the self-awareness to do a reality check.

I am striving to make my purpose simple…to be the best version of me that I can be at this moment.  To celebrate positivity, control what I can, and let go of what I can’t.  To see life through a lens of possibility and work on building the courage to pursue my dreams and goals.  We are never too old to have dreams and goals – as long as I am breathing I can dream and pursue.  My purpose and my ability to work toward that purpose allows me to work on achieving my goals.  I can derail myself, or I can fuel myself to make progress.

It’s so much easier to hide behind all the reasons things can’t be done and shift the blame to everyone else.  Unfortunately, that road leads to living life vicariously through others and creating drama to cover up boredom.

I want my purpose to include discovering and using the gifts that God has given me, to enjoy all the wonderful things He has brought into my life.

I celebrate knowing that I can continuously mold and reshape my purpose, recognize what I can control and do it, and embrace positivity!

What is your purpose?