After that fun little journey with self-sabotage, and a whole lotta reflection. I took some suggestions for a redress of the situation. They focused on “self” stuff. Self-care, self-trust, self-love, and self-compassion. I realized that one of my bigger sticking points was self-trust.
If you know me, you probably know that I trust my gut in a lot of situations. It was my default in tense/critical nursing situations with patients. I still tend to default to it in dealing with others. It rarely lets me down. So, why on earth would I want to trust it on myself? That is a whole work-in-progress. Same with self-compassion. Bill is really good about reminding me of this in a gentle way.
Self-care is a hurdle sometimes. I have been having trouble focusing on health goals. Seems like every week I state a new goal with my coach – and that is as far as it gets. They aren’t related, don’t build on each other. It’s a case of monkey-mind at it’s finest. Yesterday she asked me to identify one – just one (her emphasis) that I thought would benefit me most. After much thought…hydration, meditation, nutrition, journaling, etc., I decided to engage in a little self-trust and go with my gut. Exercise, I told her, I need to re-engage in exercise. Something that gets my heart rate up, and my mind focused on movement. (I have a couple of excellent books that delve into this, and am going to pull them back out.) So she asked me to set a goal for this week related to exercise. My response – 30-minute workouts 5-6 days a week. Her response – is that doable? Me: probably not, but it’s worth a try. Her: do 5 minutes today (Monday), 10 minutes tomorrow (Tuesday), and we will check in again on Wednesday. The exercise program I used to follow had a 5-minute rule…do 5 minutes and if you feel like quitting, it’s okay. I followed that, and 30 minutes flew by yesterday. Same thing today! I am sore, and really disappointed at how hard it was compared to a couple years ago. More importantly, I am proud of myself for rebooting and loving the feeling of having that exercise done. Wait!!! Check it out – I incorporated self-trust, engaged in self-care, indulged in self-compassion, and dabbled in a little self-love!
It may only be two days worth – but it is two days. Before I go to bed tonight, I will lay out my exercise clothes, fill my water glass, and pick out my workout for tomorrow. I will listen to my 10-minute meditation audio, and sleep well. Sleep is another work in progress, at least for me.
These past two weeks have been kind of intense. This week the focus is on friction in my life. The exercise is going to come in handy!