I’m Afraid…

I don’t know how you feel about those words, but they are among my least favorite.  I don’t like to say them to myself or to anyone else.  Just thinking about them, the feelings that come to mind are failure, not good enough, inadequate, shame, embarrassment, and a few others.

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Our trip has done an exceptional job of testing the limits of my comfort zone.  There was a time, in the not so distant past, that I would have never contemplated doing the things we have done.  Progress is progress…even in baby steps.

It seems like I am confronting more fears more often.  I am becoming comfortable with admitting “I’m afraid” to myself and to others.  Admitting this – speaking it out loud to myself – seems to help put things in perspective.  It doesn’t make the fear go away, but it keeps it from intensifying.  Admitting it to others has opened up a support and encouragement network that is unbelievable.

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I have moved from “I’m afraid” to “I’m afraid but…”, followed by tangible evidence that proves I can confront whatever evil unicorn is in front of me and turn it into a friendly one.  This is always easier to do if I have used my secret weapon – at least a half an hour of sweat-inducing exercise – prior to hunting down the evil unicorn.  Confronting fears and stepping out of the comfort zone are lessons that are rarely learned in one go – at least for me.  They are lessons that I will keep learning and keep growing because of them.

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I have also realized and am excited by the knowledge that the Me I am today is no match for the Me I will be tomorrow.

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