Lert's Lessons in Grace

One of the first things I heard from our yoga instructor was “keep your eyes on your own mat”.  At first glance, this seems to be an admonishment not to be nosy.  She went on to explain that everything we needed would be found on our own mat and nowhere else.  But the only thing on my mat was me….

I always thought I was a visual learner, needing to see something new at least once.  Surely, by watching how everyone else was moving, I would learn better.  Instead, simply by listening to the instructions, trusting and moving my body accordingly, I was able to accomplish the asana (pose).  Being able to remain and hold the asana requires me to listen to MY body and follow it’s cues.  It doesn’t really matter what the very accomplished person next to me can do, or the newbie in front of me is attempting.  When I let my eyes wander to others in the room, comparison and judgement invade my world.  Keeping my eyes within the space of my own mat allows my heart and mind to quiet, become attuned to the present, and find just what I need.

Recently, I was introduced to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, and am in the process of reading The Power of Now.  After just a few pages, I realized two things:  first, this is exactly what I need to be reading at this moment; and second – I will be referring back to this book often.  It will become a permanent part of my power library.  My coach often asks “when is NOW the right time?” when I seem to be stuck or need to make a change.  This book so clearly explains the concept of “now” – it makes the question even more compelling.  The answer, of course, is NOW – today – because it is all we have.

I know that I can’t begin to describe the concept as well as it is presented in the book (do take the time to read it if you are so moved).  My basic take-away is this – I will only ever live today – now.  I will never live tomorrow, or yesterday.  Tomorrow will become today/now when I live it, and yesterday was today/now when I lived it.  I’m sure it sounds simplistic, or maybe confusing – but it makes sense to me.  Worrying about tomorrow serves no purpose – because what happens today is all that matters.  Worry about future events won’t change them – it will simply add anxiety to today.  Dwelling on something that happened yesterday (or in the past) also serves no purpose – it adds sadness and stress to today.  Instead, I need to take the important lessons from the past when they happen, and let the rest go.  This way, my “today” won’t be cluttered with junk.

I’m not saying that yesterdays don’t matter – but after playing around with this concept, I am learning that being present now/today is a way to create wonderful memories to hold and cherish.  When I am busy being present now, I don’t have time to worry about what “might” happen, or be concerned with what happened in the past.  This is NOW, my chance to apply what I have learned from other situations, and make this a day to remember.

Keeping my eyes on today, my heart and mind follow and focus on today.  Choosing to fill the day with good and positive thoughts, instead of worry and fear is my choice – yours too, for that matter.  In one sense, this is an over-simplification – it’s not as easy as it sounds, but perhaps it is just that easy.  For me, it requires conscious effort not to fall back into old habits of dwelling on experiences from the past and dreading future experiences.

Getting back to my mat – Mia is right – everything I need is indeed on my mat.  Me.  Which means I need to trust myself, believe in myself, treat myself accordingly, love myself for who I am.  The last part – love myself for who I am – takes a lot of guts just to say it.  Are we not taught to care for others first?  Put our needs after taking care of others?  Yet, by taking care of ourselves first, we are far better caregivers for others.  Able to love and tend to others without looking to them to fill our needs.  We can enter and build relationships on what we are able to give, with little thought to what we need to get from the relationship.  My mat is where God and I meet and have some serious together time.  My “mat” has gone from a literal object to the space around me at any given moment.  This whole thing is a work in progress, and I know that my eyes will stray.  I also know that being able to recognize when this happens is the first step in bringing them back to where they need to be.

Eyes on my mat….where are your eyes?

We are getting ready to head to Savannah to celebrate our anniversary.  The calendar says it’s been 30 years.  My heart says that is not possible.  Cliché, I know, but it feels like just last week.  Then I start reminiscing about all that we have done, and wonder how we managed to pack all that in 30 years.

We are blessed with a loving, supportive family, children that are just amazing, and friends that have sweetened this journey.  And there have been people that were sent to be challenging (you know, “everyone in your life is sent to be a blessing or a lesson”).  Every day that passes, I am more aware of just how precious this is.

The secret to making it this far?  Being blessed with Bill.  Obviously, a God-approved choice.  Having the example that my parents, godparents, and grandparents presented in my life.  Involving and keeping family involved from the very beginning.  Knowing without a doubt that my life, and our marriage is a “God thing”.

I feel like I have gained so much more from our marriage than I have contributed.  Bill truly fulfills the role of a Godly husband and father.  He is patient and tolerant, and so very wise.  Not a day passes that I don’t learn something from him.  Honestly, my greatest regret is not having appreciated this much earlier in our marriage.  Making the shift from being “me-centered” to “us” to “what can I contribute to our growth and happiness” and “how can I best serve him” being the primary mindset is hard.  It requires constant effort.  Looking back over our past, I realize Bill brought that to the table at the beginning.  I was late to the party.  We have ups and downs, everyone does – but I know that no matter what happens, Bill is my rock, my solid foundation.  I will forever be a better person because he is part of me.  Seeing the examples set by my family show me the power of love and lasting commitment.

I am excited and deeply committed to making the next 30 years better than the first 30…and I don’t plan to stop there.  The more I learn about being a better partner, the more I realize there is to learn.  We have adventures ahead of us that are so full of possibility – I can’t wait!  It just keeps getting better.

Sometimes you don’t find this joy on the first try – that’s okay.  But don’t hesitate to try again.  When it’s right, it’s really right – and you will be blessed beyond belief!

Church was pretty thought-provoking this morning – straight out of Jonah.  Of course, we started the service with a prayer for the Jacksonville Jaguars – I think maybe we shoulda prayed harder for that one…

Who didn’t grow up knowing the story of Jonah and the whale?  I spent a lot of formative years trying to figure that one out…could you really live for 3 days inside a big fish?  Of course, God makes anything possible, and in a child’s mind with a great imagination, it was good pondering material.  Thankfully, as I got older, I learned that the story was really about obedience, and not about being whale bait (which sounded sort of interesting – just to see what the inside of the fish really looked like).

Today, I gave it more than a passing “ponder”.  I realized how many times I have taken the Tarshish route, and kept making the same mistake – maybe for different reasons – but ultimately, still choosing my way instead of the path that was chosen for me.  Why?  Fear – of taking an unknown path, of delivering an unpopular message, of not being “liked”, of physical injury.  Ego – thinking that my way is better, putting my needs first.  Lack of – or weak – faith – doubting God.  Laziness – not wanting to put in the honest effort and work, looking for the quick or easy way.

The few times I have been brave enough to head straight for Nineveh were not bad experiences – in fact – quite the opposite.  I found that I was equipped with that which was required, and the experience was one of growth and often gratitude.

I also realized how much Jonah there is in me after re-reading Jonah’s response to the Ninevites when they heeded his warning and changed their ways.  Instead of being delighted that they listened, he was angry with God for not chastising them.  Talk about a grace lesson.  This also makes me think about my motivation for doing some things that I have chosen to do.  Did I chose the activity because it was something I truly wanted to do – or did I choose it as an opportunity to do/be better than someone else?  Where is my compassion?

This kind of tied in to a previous sermon that was linked to the Bible verses in Isaiah 30:15 – in quietness and confidence is your strength.  When I settle my mind and my heart, get quiet and listen – I can find my confidence to choose Nineveh.  The same can be said for choosing activities that I engage in.  In quietness and confidence, I can search my heart and know that I am doing something for the right reason.

I’m sure this will be an ongoing challenge – but with God’s patience, compassion and grace – I look forward to more Nineveh and less Tarshish!

I haven’t made New Year’s resolutions for a couple years (at least).  It just seemed like they were pointless – make outlandish (or not) resolutions that were blown in less than 1 month.  Last year, I tried something else I had learned about previously – choosing a word to focus on for the year.  My 2017 word was “transform”, and I can see now that there was a lot of transformation.  Not necessarily all happy stuff, but definitely stuff for growth.

This year, I picked two words – grace and abundance.  They were safe words, filled me with happy thoughts, and promised lots of “feel goods”.  Still, they just didn’t feel right.  For at least a week before the New Year, another word kept appearing in the oddest places – like it was chasing me, or trying to get noticed – you know – like the kid in the back of the classroom wildly waving both arms in the air for attention?  “Pick me, pick me”!  The word is “brave”.  Something I was fond of using in the statement “I’m not that brave” or “my brave isn’t that big”.  To be honest, the thought of focusing on brave for a whole year was pretty scary.  (Hint – it’s like a goal – if it’s scary, it’s probably worth checking out!)  I did a pretty good job of ignoring it, even substituted the word discipline for grace (I guess I thought it was a good compromise) but BRAVE did a better job of getting my attention.  So, brave it is.

What does that mean?  I’m not going around looking for opportunities to be brave.  I looked up the definitions of brave, and was delighted to find some of the very things I have been wanting to grow and/or develop in my life.  Brave is synonymous with some behaviors I would like to cultivate.  It also means facing some less than pleasant things that may come my way.  Brave means changing “I can’t”, “I’ve never tried that before”, and “I just don’t feel like it” to “I will find a way to do that”, “I can”, “Let me try”, and “I will start”.  Brave doesn’t mean trying to demonstrate to others what I can do.  It means showing me what I am capable of, having faith in myself, and acting on that faith.  Brave is going to help me push my boundaries, step out of the CZ, and really see what I am capable of.

Words are powerful.  I have a friend who does an excellent job of drumming this message into your very psyche.  Words and thoughts can be your biggest ally, or a wicked, powerful enemy.  It also helps to have a coach who asks questions that require brave answers-and teaches things like reframing.  I am blessed to have Bill – he always knows the right words – even when they are the challenging ones.

Part of my brave plan is to choose my words and thoughts carefully.  So far, it has far surpassed what I thought would happen.  It’s more than a Pollyanna approach, it is so powerful that I can easily see that it will be life-changing.  This brave stuff is going to be a lot of tough work, and it will be worth it.  Already it is creating joy, abundance, and excitement.

How about you?  Resolutions?  How is that going for you?  Want to try the “word” thing?  If you’re interested, I will point you in the direction that I found for starting this stuff.  It’s not my idea, I won’t take any credit for it – but am happy to share my resources!  Choose a word – or if you’re really adventurous – let your word choose you!

I think the Christmas Eve candlelight service might well be my favorite part of Christmas.  The best part of the service is when the Christ candle is lit, and then that light is used to light all of our candles.  The lights are turned off, and our individual lights illuminate the darkened silence; then we sing Silent Night.

The Christ Candle is surrounded by the candles of Hope, Joy, Peace, and Love.  Every Advent wreath is a little different in design, but they all carry the same message of comfort and promise.  So many great lessons in this part of the service.  We are offered the light of Christ, and accept it by allowing our candle to be lit.  Then we have the opportunity to share that light with others.  Alone, we cast light from His Light, and when we share it, we generate more light.  When we hold His Light, we are also surrounded by hope, joy, peace, and love.  In a dark room, even one light is powerful.

Silent Night brings tears to my eyes when we sing it on Christmas Eve by candlelight.  I can’t imagine not singing that song, and not having a candle in my hand on Christmas Eve.  What a night that must have been.  What a miracle – and in the most unlikely of places.  I am ever so grateful that we continue to celebrate that miracle today, and that His Light can still illuminate the darkest of places.

Watch for miracles.  They happen without warning, and in common locations – even could be easy to miss.  Some miracles are life-changing.  Cherish light – let it illuminate your soul and celebrate it.

Merry Christmas!

As the year draws to a close, I think it’s natural to reflect on what transpired.  2017 has been full of changes, emotional ups and downs, successes and opportunities for learning (aka failures).

In January, I chose a word to serve as a focus for the year – first time I have tried that.  My word was TRANSFORM.  Somewhere around the middle of the year, I added a phrase – “let it go”.  It was interesting to see how keeping those things in mind influenced me.  I’ve been thinking about 2018 – and I plan on doing it again.  I’ve narrowed my “word” down to a couple choices, and have my phrase figured out.  I am excited to see how this will shape the year.

What lessons have you learned in the past year?  Personally, quite possibly the most valuable lessons are ones that I have most recently been exploring.  Realizing that I can really only control my reaction to events/situations, as opposed to controlling the situation, has been significant.  Another “ah hah” moment has been the realization that I lack (in a big way) self-discipline.  Competition – have you ever looked up the Latin meaning of compete?  Definitely different than the way we view competition now.  Freedom – I am surprised to learn that it is a byproduct of control, self-discipline, and competition!

It is really hard to let go of control – of things, people, and situations.  I’m not sure I will master this one, but I am working to be more intentional about this.  Each time that I can let go, and I can see evidence (positive), it gets a little less hard.  Example – I was really tired of letting my hair grow long.  Other than little trims, I have let it grow for a year.  I didn’t like how it looked, how I felt, caring for it…you get the idea.  I also wasn’t really sure what I did want done with it.  Went to my new hairstylist – he is a saint!  I told him what I absolutely didn’t want, and asked him to choose the style.  He gave me something I really like, I can maintain, and fits in with my lifestyle.  Also, something that I probably wouldn’t have picked.  Letting go of control isn’t always this easy, I know this.  There is wonderful freedom in feeling that you are not responsible for everything that happens.

Self-discipline is maybe even harder for me.  I have always relied on motivation as my incentive to do things.  Maybe not always – but probably 95% of the time.  Procrastination is one of my skills – fine-tuned, almost like an art!  I gifted myself with a book a couple weeks ago – “Discipline Equals Freedom Field Manual” by Jocko Willink while I was doing some Christmas shopping for others.  After flipping through a few pages, it kind of smacked me between the eyes, a sort of “you really need this” realization.  This effort will be a work in progress for some time.  Preliminary results are very encouraging – I have discovered that just doing something instead of dancing around it for hours is very time-saving!  Who knew?  More time, more freedom….and a real sense of accomplishment when you complete a whole task instead of picking and choosing the parts you like (for example, my fitness training plan…).

Competition – this was an eye-opener for me.  My idea of competition was trying to be better than your competitor – however you could make that happen.  The notion of competing against oneself was a little confounding – since it only involved one competitor.  One of the Latin definitions is essentially “to strive together”, or come together to work toward a goal.  My conception was a little closer to the French definition.  The Latin form takes it from being an individual action to a team action.  To work together to better both parties.  As I pondered this, I realized that in order to do this, you have to let go of control, lose your ego, and employ considerable discipline to maintain the “team” approach.  Your own success becomes secondary to seeing all parties succeed.  And yep, freedom is another byproduct!  Freedom from having to perform perfectly and worry about the outcome.

Freedom – I am coming to equate this with the opportunity to be curious about what is possible.  Freedom from control – scary thought – but exciting.  Freedom from relying on motivation to build success – and the freedom of knowing that your success stems from your own work.  Freedom from trying to be the best/perfect – an opportunity to participate with joy.

Where does your freedom come from?  What are your life changing lessons from 2017?

 

Putting big goals on hold is kind of scary.  At first.  Then it becomes a very interesting experience.  Taking focus off a single point in the future has allowed me to discover a myriad of small victories every day.  I know it is possible to do both – work toward a large goal that is the culmination of many small victories – because I have in the past.  When you let the big goal overwhelm you – it’s time to step back, take a breath, and redirect.

My big goal is still to run in a marathon – one day.  My bigger goal is to rediscover all the milestones along the way, savor the joy in marking them; and do it with a fresh, curious mind.  It is very easy for me to attach my identity and worth to a big goal – and a very dangerous thing to do.  We are so much more than a single event.  Another big goal is to be the best version of me that I can be.  My bigger goal is to do that with joy, and blessing as many people as I can along the way.

This time of year, it’s easy to get caught up in the frenzy of activity, fretting about making the holidays ‘perfect’, and trying to please everyone.  What if, instead of focusing just on Christmas day, we focused on smaller acts – like random acts of kindness – every day starting December 1.  25 days of bringing kindness and joy, or 1 day that may or may not be ‘perfect’?  This is not to say that Christmas should be completely neglected.  I am guessing that by focusing more on the small stuff, we will actually celebrate the true meaning of the season.  Of course, we really aren’t limited to doing this for the Christmas season.

Feeling overwhelmed?  Step back, expand your focus from the *big* goal to checking out the milestones that pave the path.  Slow down, enjoy the journey, celebrate the milestones and yourself.  Keep your big goal – unless it needs to be reevaluated or is not serving you any longer – but pay particular attention to the bigger goals – those milestones that pave your path.

For the past month, I have been participating in yoga classes.  My favorite is restorative, or Yin yoga.  If you haven’t tried it – please give yourself this amazing gift!

Classes have been 1-3X/week, and I am so excited to see the changes already.  I wasn’t really sure what to expect when I started – but I knew that I wanted to try.  Barb – the water exercise instructor in Manistee – suggested that I try yoga for stretching.  She will never know quite how grateful I am for that suggestion.  Our instructor, Mia, is so encouraging.  She gives adaptations, and encourages us to use props as needed.  We also have a thought or meditation to reflect on during class.  (Just to reassure – we don’t contort into pretzels, or chant, or do headstands.  And, yes, I wondered about that before I went to class).

What I have learned – and this involves great amounts of grace – is respect for my body, and myself.  That hour of class is sacred time and my yoga mat is my sacred space, time and space I intentionally dedicate to caring for my body and mind.  I know that I am increasing my flexibility, strengthening my body, and working to improve and maintain balance.  More than that, I am learning to appreciate slow movement, holding a pose, paying attention to the rhythm of my breath, and listening to what my body is telling me.  I can see visible evidence of my work.

I just wrote about control and perfection.  Neither of those concepts have a home here.  Poses are imperfect, and always a work in progress.  Fighting a pose or trying to control the pose is painful.  Surrendering to the pose, breathing through and relaxing into it is really quite comfortable.  There is no trying to better than anyone else – it’s just being with yourself.

The room is without artificial light, and the drapes are closed on the outside windows.  Mia speaks quietly, and plays gentle music in the background.  No cellphones are on.  Everyone is in their own space.  There is a sense of timelessness and peace.  Class begins with settling in, and ends with savasana.  I always leave class with such an inner peace – and an eagerness to return to class for more.

I am a recovering (some days, this is debatable) perfectionist and control freak.  Have you ever noticed that the traits in other people that drive you crazy are the ones you are most guilty of?  It took me a long time to figure this out.

I was talking with my coach about control and perfection.  For the past couple weeks, I have been *enjoying* (not) a break from running because of a wonky knee.  This is a problem, because I have lost control of being able to do what I want when I want.  It is very difficult to strive for perfection (or even visit the neighborhood) when you can’t play the game.  He pointed out that when you let go of control,you actually gain control.  After thinking about that, I would add that being in control is really an illusion.  Thinking back to times when I really felt ‘in control’ and on top of the game, I can see that instead of being in control, I was actually controlled by external forces.  External forces being other people, rules, conventions, circumstances.  I felt in control because I knew what the rules were, what the expectations were, and who was in charge.  Playing by the rules, coloring in the lines, marching to someone else’s drummer.  What felt like control was really comfortable, playing safe, no chance for the unexpected.

Perfection is an illusion as well.  If everyone and everything was perfect, there would be no individuality.  It’s our imperfections, quirks, battle scars, cracks in our armor that set us apart.  They are what makes us beautiful and attractive to others.  Those same things are what we see as our less than beautiful parts – shame, embarrassment, things to be hidden from view.  I think that we see those imperfections as things that we failed to control.  We need to learn to celebrate our unique qualities, with all our imperfections.  Not only celebrate our own imperfections, but also in those around us.  What an awesome way to send a message that *perfect* isn’t a valued ideal.

Personally, when I can find the courage to pry my fingers off the steering wheel, and let go of control (gasp) – once my breathing settles down, I can see possibilities.  Joy, laughter, forgiveness, love, play – these things don’t coexist well with control or perfection.  The only control that is important to cultivate is controlling the way you respond to whatever life throws at you.  Isn’t that really the only control we have?  How we respond…

So, with the knee thing – my workouts and training plan looks very different than it has.  Running is replaced by walking, learning to make friends with the elliptical, using the stationary bike.  Core and upper body workouts, swimming using a pull buoy (LOL – ‘pool boy’) so I am not kicking.  It all just feels weird.  Once I quit crabbing about it, and loosened my grip on control, I am having fun with expanding my repertoire.  No, it’s not perfect, but eliminating that word from the equation equals freedom to explore possibilities.  Besides – I expect to have rockstar arm strength by the time I start running again!

The picture of the sand dollars – I think illustrates that imperfections add interest and beauty – changing each one to be unique, instead of looking like the other ‘perfect ones’.  My second picture is of fog/mist on the ocean heading into the river.  I couldn’t completely capture the beauty – sometimes, when the sun reflected on the fog, it appeared that it was framed by a rainbow.  The fog was mesmerizing – inviting you to walk through it and see what wonders were hidden inside.  With a ‘control’ and ‘perfect’ mindset, you would look at the fog and not see that – you would know that the river and jetties were in there – no surprise.  Accepting imperfection and letting go of control frees your mind to explore and celebrate the magic.

Perhaps 2018 should be the year to ditch control and perfection.  (This is not license to go wild…some responsibility required.)  Can you do it?  Soon, we will be celebrating the birth of 2018 – think about choosing a word or phrase that you want to be your “theme” for the upcoming year.  I’m pretty sure my theme has found me.

 

I went to check on sunrise this morning, fully expecting not to see anything.  It was foggy, overcast, humid – icky sticky yucky kind of start to the day.  I watched the appropriate spot at the appointed time…nothing.  I was feeling a little sorry for myself thinking I could have slept in for another hour, glancing around the area to see what was going on.  Glancing back at my “sunrise spot”, I was amazed to see the palest pink sun shining faintly through the clouds and haze.

My first thought was ‘WOW, even the sun has a hard time doing the “rise and shine” thing sometimes’.  “Rise and shine” is something that is a struggle for me ALL the time.  I am more of a ‘shine your light late’ kind of person.  Just the thought of the sun struggling had me smiling.  Until I thought about it more.

There was no struggle or effort for the sun.  Weather wasn’t a factor.  It just rises every morning – nothing stops it.  “Stuff” may get in the way of it’s beauty, but it still rises.  We may not see it, but it’s there.  What I was privileged to see this morning was absolutely beautiful.  The picture does not do it justice.  There is much to be said for shining through adversity – in whatever form it takes!  Obstacles, adversity, clouds, haze – being persistent and shining through them brings out beauty that would not otherwise be noticed.

Happy Sunday!