Lert's Lessons in Grace

Just a quick note that we have revived our travel blog – https://wordpress.com/view/dumontsareontheroadagain.com

This will remain a separate blog from Grace Lessons!

Remember when we learned this as kids?  I remember this being used in crossing the road safely.  This has so much more application in life as we grow.  I find this to be especially important in interacting with others.  It is so easy to get too busy to really listen to what others are saying.  We let distractions interfere.  How often do you look at someone talking to you, smile and nod – then walk away and have no recollection of the conversation?  I know I have missed a lot of important information.  I know I have interacted with people that do the same thing to me.  Sometimes you can just tell that what you are saying is not even entering their realm of consciousness.  During those times, it is so tempting to start spouting nonsense – just to see if they will notice.

My job is and always has been detail oriented.  As a nurse, you must stop, look at your patient, and listen to them.  If you don’t, you are going to miss some really important information.  Even now, although I don’t engage in direct patient care, I still must stop, look, and carefully read the information I have been given.  My job now is chart reviews – reading documentation, piecing together a picture of the patient from the words the nurse or therapist are using to write the story, and see whether the story is painting the appropriate picture.  It can be a slow process – the same as slowing down to listen to spoken word.  I rely a great deal on my experience in patient care, and the knowledge I have gained.  And I realize that there is always something new to learn.

I think that it is easy to lose the ability to stop, look, and listen when we allow ourselves to become victims of the “I can do it all” syndrome.  The need to control everything around you, including people; or being led to believe that you are the only one who can save a particular situation contribute to busy-ness.  It also contributes to depriving yourself of self-care.  Not only is it important to stop, look and listen to others – but you must do that for yourself.  Stop, look around and see what is going on around you.  Listen to what you are telling yourself, and what others are telling you.  Is your body telling you that you need a rest?  Are your relationships with family and friends being negatively impacted by over committing to outside sources?

Here’s another question…do you hold yourself to the same standards that you hold others to?  Take this blog, for example.  I can sit here and suggest that you engage in self-care, realize that you can’t and don’t need to control the world, and that life will go on if you tell someone “no”.  It is really hard for me to allow myself that grace.  Something that I constantly work on…thankfully, Bill reminds me often that it’s okay to relax a bit.  You don’t have to feel guilty for putting yourself first – you will be better able to serve others by filling your own cup first.

Look to the Bible…God took a day of rest.  (He also acknowledged that his work was good – but that’s a topic for another discussion.)  I think he was living by example.  Jesus went off on his own to be alone and to pray.  He slept in the boat during the storm.

So this week, give yourself some grace.  Stop, look, and listen.  To yourself.  To others.  Actively listen, make an effort to remember what you hear.  From others and from yourself.  Remember this:  You. Don’t. Have. To. Fix. The. World.  Furthermore:  You. Don’t. Have. To. Control. The. World.

More faith, less worry.  More care, less control.

 

 

This morning I logged a whole 1.3 miles in about an hour.  It was 1.3 miles dedicated to a random act of kindness.  I’m thinking about making RAK miles a part of my mileage goal.  Even 10% – at 25 miles/week, I will be accomplishing 2.5 miles of kindness.  What makes up RAK miles?  Well, this morning it was watering, pruning, and fertilizing the 20-25 flower baskets here at the campground.  It could be picking up trash, doing errands for someone else (on foot or however you log your intentional miles).  Think about it – miles of smiles, miles for smiles, smiling for miles – whatever lights you up.  You don’t get tangible “bling” for these – but you do get the “feel good bling” on the inside.

On to the flowerpot grace.  The flower baskets here are the typical plastic hanging pots.  The owners planted 3 petunias per pot.  Honestly, they look kind of bare right now – but they also represent a whole lot of faith.  Faith that the plants will flourish and fill the pots with beautiful blooms.  As it usually does, my mind started to wander, and ponder the planters.  What if, instead of 3 plants, they had planted 6 or 8?  The pots would have looked much prettier in the beginning.  As the plants began to grow and expand, they would be crowded and eventually growth would be stunted.  They would compete for water and nutrients, and some would wither and die.  Choosing 3 plants gives them space to grow, and ample opportunity and access to food and water.  With careful tending – pruning, watering, and nourishing – these plants will grow strong and healthy and produce beautiful blooms.

Pruning the “dead heads” allows the plants to focus on producing blooms instead of putting energy instead seed pods.  Certainly there is a time to allow the plant to produce seeds – that is topic for another discussion.  In general, though, pruning allows for the removal of that which no longer serves the plant.  Watering and nourishing, of course, encourages growth.

I’m sure you can already see where I’m going with this.  If we see the flowerpot as our life, this is a grace lesson about what we put in that flowerpot.  It is so tempting to want to fill it with all the beautiful flowers – that are already in bloom – showy and fragrant.  “Flowers” like activities, commitments, people, work, volunteer organizations, family, friends, possessions, etc.  Just like flowers – some of these are “annuals” – only around for a season, biennials – around a little longer, and perennials – around for a very long time.  We should choose a balanced blend for our own flowerpot.  Some showy blooms are good, and green plants that haven’t yet budded or bloomed are just as essential.  The green plants are lessons in patience and faith.

Overfilling our flowerpot will lead to frustration and burnout.  Been there, done that, emptied the pot and replanted!  It’s always a good thing to spend some time checking out your flowerpot.  What needs to be pruned?  Put to bed for a season?  Is there an empty space that needs to be filled?  Or a dead plant that is taking up space?  Are you watering and nourishing growth?

Grace Lessons:

1. RAK miles – let’s make them a thing!
2. Spend some time carefully checking out your flowerpot…what needs to be done?

Today was a delightful gift – full of joy and laughter and memories that will evoke smiles and giggles in the future.  It was completely unplanned.  In fact, the day had the potential to be a real disappointment.  Instead it became joy-filled all around.

The trip might have involved missing car keys, a couple missing wallets, a road trip, a new game called “Let’s beat Google Maps ETA estimates”, clean underwear, Mexican food, huge Cokes, glorious sunshine, an appointment at the doctor’s office, and a bear.  We introduced the next generation to Thelma and Louise trips.  Between Beth and I, we were able to come up with one driver’s license, one credit card, one set of car keys, and one car…they just didn’t all belong to one person.

You probably had to be there to truly appreciate the day.  It was truly amazing.

The thing is, it could have been a real unpleasant day.  Attitude made the difference.  Seeing the opportunities instead of the obstacles.  Jumping in with both feet and with the sure knowledge that it was going to be a great adventure.  Choosing laughter and adventure over getting all worked up and disgruntled.  Embracing gratitude for the possibilities and time together.

The whole day was a lesson in grace, in gratitude, in love.  I wouldn’t trade it for any sum of money.  I do, however, wish everyone a day as full of life as this one has been.

Bless you, Beth – and thank you for this day!  We shall begin having Thelma, Louise and Beth trips – because this Louise and Beth trip just has to include Thelma – three generations!  Watch out world!

Finally hit 100 miles for May…and with a few exceptions, it was an uphill battle.  On the other hand – it is cause for celebration – because with everything else going on – I made it!  And I will be able to put a couple miles in the bank.  I’ve been able to hit 10K steps every day – another reason to celebrate.

May has been a month of moving, traveling, exploring, adventuring, learning, celebrating family…so many good things!  In addition to logging at least 1 intentional mile a day, this month I was able to log time in each state we traveled through.  (Some of it was done in rest areas, roadside parks, and airports – but it was done!)  We returned to our happy campground in Wellston for a couple weeks, then moved in with Mom while our house had to go to the “house fixing place”.  We are hoping to get it back soon – Mom is probably hoping the same!

Mom and I made a quick trip to Alaska to see family.  We were delighted to be able to spend time in Glenn’s Wild Game Processing learning how to make bear bacon burger, bear breakfast sausage, and caribou chorizo.  I am now waiting for Bill to go bear and caribou hunting.

Family time is such a treasure.  Beth is visiting right now and brought Nyx and Callie along.  She is such an amazing person (and a phenomenal daughter!).  Nyx and Callie are rescues, Beth has done wonderful things with them.  It’s been about 4 years since we’ve seen “the girls”.  They have always been well-behaved, but the change in them is profound.  Truly delightful!  Walt is “doing his thing” – we love hearing from him often and are so excited that he is loving his job.

Even though almost every mile of the May 100 seemed like a struggle, every mile gave me time to reflect on the joys of the month.  I am looking forward to the excitement of June and the next 100 miles!

Grace Lesson:

From the NEW Runner’s Retreat:  From the Buddhist formulation for Suffering – suffering equals pain times resistance.  This has been swirling around in the recesses of my brain.  I was in the process of trying to learn to use a piece of equipment and becoming rapidly frustrated.  This little mantra popped into the forefront – so I decided to give it a try – and make a conscious effort to work WITH the machine instead of against it.  Totally mastered it!  Just recently – again becoming frustrated over miniscule things – and remember the machine lesson.  Decided to work with it – and erased the pain/frustration.  Now if I can just keep it up….and if not, remember to offer myself the grace to forgive me!

Last weekend I participated in the North East Wisconsin Running Retreat, sponsored by Fleet Feet Fox Valley.  A truly wonderful experience all around, and I came away with a great deal of new knowledge and ideas to put into practice.  This was a retreat in every sense of the word – a withdrawing from the larger world into a smaller, more private space.  Pulling back from the usual routine and narrowing our focus for a couple days.  A small group allowed for an increased sense of intimacy between participants and providers.  It was a restful, relaxing experience that was at the same time energizing and invigorating.

My “why”.  A friend invited me to go, and a running retreat was on my bucket list.  (Bless you, Jane!).  I told another friend, and she decided to sign up (Bless you, Laura!). Easy enough, right?  Until someone at the weekend asked me, “No, really, WHY did you come?”.  Geez, like start out with the tough stuff!  So I gave it some consideration.  We started the weekend off with quick introductions, then an hour run/walk on the grounds.  Everyone gravitated toward their pace groups.  First new friends made – Jane and Laura were on different paces than mine.  After we started, I wanted to go a little farther than my new friends, so I continued on after they turned back.  So, WHY, really?  I can always learn more, and enjoy learning….I’ve never really had “formal” training/learning about running from anyone besides the kids (and their instruction has always been good)….new experiences are good.  Before the retreat, and at the very start of the retreat, Leah encouraged us to consider finding our space and our people this weekend.  So, alone and extending my first run gave me more time to think.  As I listened, I heard most prominently my inner critic/negative voice.  Something along the lines of not being a runner, not being good enough to be here.  “This is it – they will all know you are a fraud”.  Never mind all that I have accomplished to this point.  Listening harder, and more intently, I heard a tinier, younger voice – hopeful – saying “you need this, you deserve this.  These are your people, and this is your space.  Take this tiny flame and fan it – make it grow.  Your joy is here, and you just have to claim it!”.  When I returned, Coach Deb asked me how it was.  “Good”, I told her.  “It must have been.  When you left, you were not smiling – and look at you now.  Also, you were walking at the beginning – and I caught you running after you left us!”.  My Space, my pace, my People.

At that moment, I let go of my need to label myself as something.  I no longer felt the need to clarify that I run/walk or whatever I do to get from point A to point B.  I lost a ton of weight.  Opened my heart and my mind up to everything that would come during the weekend.  No one else seemed interested in labels either.

By Sunday, when it was time to leave, I was delightfully tired!  We shared 4 running workouts, multiple stretching exercises, a core workout, a chi running practice, and a glorious sunset yoga practice – as well as listening to several presenters.  We got to try out new gear, and, of course had the opportunity to purchase some as well.  It has taken several days to process all of the good that was crammed into that short time period.

One of the first things I did on Monday morning was contact the race director for the 50k I signed up for.  I requested a switch to the marathon distance and was granted the change.  Lost more weight.  Why?  I don’t need to sign up for, nor start a 50k to prove to myself that I am or am not a runner.  I am me – I move with joy in a way that serves my body, mind and soul.  I want to participate in this particular event, and because of the setting, I don’t want to be under a time constraint that will add pressure and stress.  I eagerly anticipate exploring the setting and taking in the beauty I know I will find.

I am solidly claiming my space, eagerly searching out my people, and surrendering to the experience of this present moment.  I choose to not isolate myself or become so focused on continually training that I miss out on life.  My next big job is re-evaluating my goals – shifting from serving myself to serving others.  Something that does truly bring me joy.

Grace Lesson:

Surrender and Retreat are often considered cowardly actions.  I don’t believe that.  Retreating from the demands and noise of the world to claim your space, and surrendering to that which brings you joy requires courage and bravery.  Surrendering the need to meet other’s expectations and the need to control is difficult.

 

It’s that time again, time to move and explore new territory and revisit the familiar.  I’m not sure what the difference was this year, but it has been special in a very good way.  I guess, though, it’s not fair to compare this time in “the Cove” to any other time.  Our past years here have been special in different ways, and no two years are ever going to be the same.

Saying goodbye is hard.  When it’s hard, that is a good thing, I think.  It means you have shared joy and laughter and celebrated life together.  Knowing that there is the likelihood of meeting again in the future is more cause for celebration.

Get over worrying about being judged, or “what people will think”.  You’re missing great opportunities to meet really special people – just like you.  Putting yourself out there – meeting someone and getting to know them (beyond the brief smile and nod as you pass) takes bravery and courage.  Why?  Because you are sharing a piece of yourself and embracing a piece of that person – and you know that you will be traveling different paths and there will likely be some sorrow when you part.  How powerful are you when you do that?  And how powerful is that person that shares the exchange?  To be able to move beyond the sadness of parting doesn’t mean you won’t feel it – it means you acknowledge it and cherish the experience even more.

I realize that this is also true of exploring new places.  It really boils down to stepping out of the comfort zone.  Clinging to the familiar is incredibly limiting.  It may seem comfortable, but eventually it is mind numbing and you lose appreciation for the setting, the circumstance, or the person.  As cliché as it is, tomorrow is never guaranteed.  Worrying about what could happen just wastes time that could be spent exploring and acknowledging possibilities.  And when “I should” becomes a statement of negative self-worth (as in, I would like to do that – but I should stay home and ___) – give yourself permission to do what you would LIKE to do.

We’ve been saying lots of goodbyes this past week or two.  Some more this weekend, then we leave on Tuesday.  Make those goodbyes happy – and remember to include a “thank you” – gratitude for the shared experiences and celebrations.  And look forward to new adventures and more friends you haven’t met yet.  It’s simple, and yes cliché (again) – but today is unique – you will never have it again.  Yesterday will never be lived again.  Tomorrow hasn’t happened yet and will be a new adventure because you’ve never lived it.  Be present in today – this moment, the people you are with, the attitude and outlook you choose.  Live gratitude – express it, embrace it, experience it.

My very hard grace lesson in this is realizing how many great opportunities I have missed by not reaching out, being brave, and learning about friends I haven’t yet met.  My joyful lesson is the knowledge that I have chosen to change this.

 

 

Finally!  Last year I had a dream – a promise I made to myself, wrote it down (it became a goal), and broke it into small baby steps (a goal with a plan).  Saturday, I finally kept the promise I made to myself.  That really sounds kind of sad, doesn’t it – “finally kept a promise”?  I think that I am far better at keeping promises I make to others than the ones I make to myself.

 

I did the Never Quit 10k again – it was as good as last year – although the weather was more challenging.  Hot and humid is not as pleasant as rainy, cold and windy.  I’ll take the latter any day.  Last year, I promised myself to do it this year, and carry the American Flag.  Done!!!

 

I am amazed at how emotional this experience was.  I am proud that I carried the flag the whole course.  I am prouder of what that flag represents – the freedom that we have thanks to the many men and women that have worked and work hard to defend the flag/our country every day.  On a personal level – that I could carry it in memory of my Dad, and in honor of Bill and Walter.  I lost count of the number of people on the beach that thanked me (and everyone else carrying a flag) for carrying the flag.  A couple of men (I’m guessing they are veterans) even took their hats off as I went by or saluted the flag.

 

To put this into perspective – it was a 10k – only 6 miles.  I walk that distance a couple times a week.  The flag – a 3’X5’ on a wooden staff that is a few inches shorter than I am.  For a lot of people, it would likely be a walk in the park.  And that is okay.  For me, I know that 4 years ago I would have NEVER even considered something like this, and a year ago I was dreaming of carrying the flag for the 6 miles.  The only person I have to compete against is myself, and the only time frame I have to use is this very moment.

When I crossed the official starting line, and as I set my tracker, my thought was – “I am doing this – keeping my promise from last year!”.  My smile was huge, and my heart was full to overflowing with joy (overflowed right out of my eyes and down my cheeks)!  I really appreciate the idea the race organizers have by adding a space on your bib to write the names of those people who inspire you to “Never Quit”, or those you would “never quit” for.  Boldly, I wrote “Me” first – last year I realized that if I never quit for myself, I will be better able to serve the other names on my bib.  It is my hope to be the kind of person that would make at least one other person vow to never quit.

 

It was the kind of day that inspired less than aggressive speed because of the heat and humidity.  It was the kind of event that inspired me to be intentional about seeing those around me and listen to the stories.  The stories are so much more important than pace.  The father with his two sons – he in his full fire-fighting gear, one son in a child-sized version marching along beside and the other being pulled in a wagon.  And I thought I was warm in shorts and t-shirt….  All the veterans – various ages and a multitude of stories…. The many “newbies” – experiencing their first 5 or 10k – and their reasons…. The people on the sand pushing their walker (young AND old) and celebrating with joy that they were able to take every step…. Those of us that carried the flag, cherishing our individual reasons and what that flag symbolizes….

I met a few more new friends.  Charlene and I spent about a mile and a half together – leading up to and just beyond the turn around point.  She was at the event with a group of 10-15 from an area south of us.  She has completed 29 half marathons, and this was her first Never Quit event.  She was not able to train on the beach and been doing quite a bit of traveling so had done very little preparation for this event.  I met her just before mile 2 and greeted her as I started to pass.  She seemed a little down, so instead of passing, I slowed a bit and struck up a conversation.  We chatted a bit, and she assured me that I didn’t have to stay with her slower pace.  I thanked her for that – and offered to “stick around” until the turn-around point.  Her smile was brighter than the sun.  As we passed the turn-around point, we congratulated each other and headed toward “home”.  We caught up to one of her group members, and I told her I was going to go ahead but would see her at the finish line.  Bill and I waited, and I congratulated her when she finished – her smile and “oh, you remembered me!” was icing on my cake.

Several times along the way, I smiled and reminded myself that I was making good on my promise – and was still amazed at the emotion that generated.  Many people along the route offered to carry the flag for me to give me a break.  I thanked them for the offer and declined.  One couple persisted and assured me that they would let me have the flag back.  We laughed, and I told them that although a little break might feel good – I would feel so much better when I crossed the finish line knowing that I did what I set out to do.  They told me they would see me next year, and they would be carrying as well.  Another lady – out for a walk and not a part of the event – reversed her course and joined me – she wanted to know what was happening and why I was carrying a flag.  “What am I missing, and what is your story?”  So, she kept pace and listened and offered encouragement and thanks.

 

Bill met me along the last ½ mile and kept pace to the finish.  Once again, my heart just filled to overflowing – right down my cheeks – realizing that I had made good on the promise.  In fact, it felt/feels so good that I plan on making more promises/dreams to myself-turn them into goals-break them into tiny baby steps-and celebrating them into reality.  Having the Love of My Life beside me at the finish line is an indescribable joy.

Grace Lesson:  The event was spectacular and joy-filled.  However, the real lesson is the importance of keeping promises to yourself, making dreams into goals into steps into reality, and fully immersing yourself in the moment.  Think about your “story”.  You write it every moment of every day.  Do you like what you are writing?  Is it a story you would enjoy reading?  If you answered “no” to either of those questions – why?  YOU are the author.  Yes, I believe that God knew each of us before we were born, with plans for us and our lives.  I also believe he gave us the power of choice.  Use your power wisely.  Choose to write yourself a story that you are proud of, would enjoy reading, and a story that will cause others to want to “Never quit”.  Extend yourself to others – and listen to their stories – it will enrich your story.

I recently read a post from Brene Brown discussing the fear of missing out (FOMO).  It was very thought-provoking.  If you’re not familiar with Brene – she deals with the ugly hard stuff like shame, vulnerability, and “enoughness”.  It’s the stuff that every single one of us faces.  The same stuff that we really don’t want to deal with – wrestle to the ground and beat into oblivion.  Much easier just to ball it up and toss it into a dark corner of the closet.

So, fear of missing out and the desire to fit in.  I didn’t realize how much I let that be my reason for doing some of the stuff I do.  Oddly (maybe) enough – it’s definitely more prevalent now than when I was in school, even through my 20’s.  Looking in the rearview mirror, in school/nursing school/20’s – I wasn’t trying to fit in out of a desire to belong to social groups or for popularity.  Nor was it an attempt to be a strong independent person.  I think on some level I realized I didn’t fit in very early in school – and that became my way of life and mindset.  I had very few good friends growing up, and the one I was closest to died when he was 20.  The others I have lost contact with.

Our 40^th class reunion (high school) is this year.  I’m part of the FB group, and it is interesting to see the posts.  A very tiny part of me would like to attend – strictly out of curiosity and wondering if/what I missed out on.  The larger part of me will follow good sense and go the running event that is scheduled for the same weekend.  In truth – with the exception of some remarkable teachers and the few friends (that won’t be there anyway) – there is no benefit to going.  My memories of my classmates?  The exclusion, the bullying, the shaming, the harassing.  Actually had a teacher that did all of those things to me as well.  I’ve forgiven them, and I regret that the biggest lessons I learned from them involved not trusting people and not wanting to be a part of social groups.

Fast forward to the 50’s version of me.  More than once I have done something because I wanted to fit in – or because I didn’t want to miss out.  Truly not worth it.  Definitely a case of the grass being greener and all that.  Bugs me a bit that I felt the need after all these years, but I am a lot more forgiving of myself.  Count it as lessons learned.  Those high school classmates did teach me something – a lesson in compassion, a lesson in cheering for the apparent underdog.  And a lesson in the strength it takes to be someone that doesn’t fit in or is not afraid to miss out.

We have been blessed in our travels to make new friends and visit friends from our former church families.  Friends that are friends not for who you are, what you have, or what you can do for them.  People that don’t require you to “fit in”, or make you believe you are “missing out”.

Grace Lesson:

I found this in the middle of the cow pasture we are camped in.  It is the roots from a tree that is no longer standing – just a hole in the ground with the roots left.  It reminds me that it is important to put down roots and NOT to lose yourself as you grow.  Otherwise, you’ll be left with a few roots and a hole in the ground where you once were.

 

 

 

If you’ve been on a beach at the ocean, chances are you have walked a wrack line.  You know, that line of debris high up on the beach that is left after high tide.  You can find all kinds of interesting stuff there.  I have found a five-dollar bill, lots of fishing tackle, a frisbee dog toy, an industrial metal air filter, the plastic liner for the inside of a car hood – not to mention a wide assortment of natural sea debris (shells, sand dollars, skeletal remains of fish and birds, starfish, etc.).

Think of yourself as the ocean, and the people you meet as the beach.  Consider the effect you have on the beach (the lives of the people you meet).  You have the strength and power to wash debris (both treasures and trash) FROM the beach and carry it out to be deposited in your depths.  You also have the strength and power to carry your debris (again, both treasures and trash) ON TO the beach.

Now, consider what effect you have had in the past on friends, family, anyone that has crossed your path.  Keeping that in mind, you have the potential to leave a “wrack line” of treasures and ‘good stuff’ – your choice – or trash and sadness.

Bill and I were talking about the influence we have had on each other over the years.  I was telling him how good he is for me and was wishing I could be as good for him.  His replied stopped me cold and brought tears to my eyes.  He reassured me that I WAS good for him, then he said “remember, you are a daughter of God and He is VERY proud of you”.

Have you ever really considered yourself a true child of God?  I mean, we hear it often, read about it, even remind others.  But take 5 or 10 minutes of time, sit down, and truly see yourself as His child.  Feel it in your very soul.  Let it guide your actions – knowing your Parent is watching you.

Grace Lesson:  Make sure your wrack line makes your Father proud!  (At the same time, remembering that He is loving and forgiving.  If He can forgive, you can forgive – even forgive yourself!)