Lert's Lessons in Grace

Today is one of those days that you want to have forever.  I completed my first “Tough Run” – a local 5k to raise awareness about veteran suicide.

Our kids have done several Tough Mudder races – one day I will do one with them.  In the meantime – this was my introduction.  The website said to “plan on uneven terrain, water, mud, hills, and various obstacles”.  Truth in advertising!  This is so far outside of my comfort zone, that I was questioning my sanity right up until the gun went off.  I was figuring one step at a time, and after all – they did say you could walk around any of the obstacles you weren’t comfortable with.  I was feeling more than a little envious of all the people that were doing the race with friends – but hey – it’s only 3 miles, right?

At the first obstacle, I met my first blessing of this event.  Dottie (an angel, I know this for sure!) offered her hand as I was coming down the wall, and after introductions, we discovered that we were both solo on this event.  This was God’s first Grace Lesson for me.  A hand extended in friendship is a precious gift.  This special woman shared her journey with me, and I shared mine.

I lost count of the obstacles – there was one that I couldn’t master.  It was a half wall that required you to push up with your arms and swing your legs over.  I tried – but couldn’t achieve it – YET.  I climbed up on things, and then slid down.  Those things included walls, cargo nets, huge rocks, giant tires, drain culvert pieces…and probably a few more that escape me for the moment.  We climbed up hills of soft sand, and picked our way down washouts filled with sticks, logs, rocks, and roots.  We slid through mud, waded through water, and crawled through a tunnel filled with mud and water.  We walked across telephone poles that were raised up (think balance beam).  For those of you that know me, you know that heights are a real challenge for me.  I almost bailed on the poles, and Dottie mentioned she didn’t like heights.  We helped each other, in turn, across the poles.  Amazing!  It wasn’t as scary as I thought it was going to be.  When she stumbled, I helped her.  When I stumbled, she was right there.  Time/pace wasn’t at all important.  Tackling and conquering the obstacle was the joy.

The volunteers along the route were blessings as well.  Their encouragement was sincere, their enthusiasm was contagious, and their smiles were infectious.  This was another Grace Lesson – I want to volunteer at an event and be this kind of encourager.

The Grace Lesson that I didn’t expect (actually, there are two) – the first one – was that I was going to meet myself out there.  At each obstacle.  I realized that each one presented a choice – to tackle and overcome – or simply walk around.  My choice.  Take the chance or leave it.  How strong am I?  Easy or hard?  (For what it’s worth, I gave up on the choice to stay clean or not at the first mud puddle!)  If I could make the choice to do the hard option in this 5k, I can certainly take that skill with me beyond this race.  Doesn’t matter who else knows when I take the hard option – what matters is that I know.  I don’t have to have experience, or skill to do it.  I lost count of the number of things I did today that I’ve never done before, and/or didn’t think I could do.  You know what?  I. AM. PROUD. OF. MYSELF.

The second unexpected Grace Lesson came on the ride home.  Bill, being the wonderful, supportive husband that he is – he drove me and acted as my support/cheerleader/photographer.  I was talking (A LOT) about how much I enjoyed the experience.  He looked at me thoughtfully and told me that I have spent most of my life trying to do the right thing, please others, and be what I thought was “right” or “good”, do things perfectly.  He said that this event was different than that.  I allowed myself to try, to not do things perfectly, and allowed myself to enjoy what I was doing.  I had to think about that for a bit, and I am amazed (again) at how smart and perceptive he is.

A few other Grace Lessons:

-One of the obstacles was carrying sandbags a short track around a flagpole.  I’m guessing they were maybe 15#?  Anyway, with one in each hand, I thought about Walter telling me how heavy the gear is that soldiers wear in combat.  Those sandbags weren’t even close.

-I am so blessed to have my family’s love and support.  They listen and tolerate my ramblings and joys.

-I am stronger and more capable than I realize.

-Listen to stories from other people – so much to learn and appreciate.

-BBQ pork nachos from Sparks BBQ and Gatorade are amazing race food!

As I mentioned, the race today was to raise awareness about veteran suicide.  There was a strong emphasis on “no person left behind”.

Statistics presented today at the event were that 22 veterans a day commit suicide.  We were all encouraged to participate in a “22 Push” at the end of the awards ceremony.  There were very few people on the event grounds that were not on the ground doing 22 push-ups.  The event was closed by reading a list of local veterans that were victims of suicide, and then Taps.

The Grace Lesson here is a no-brainer.  Look around, be aware – reach out your hand and encourage someone.  Listen to their story.  Everyone should have at least a couple “someones” to reach out to – or have those “someones” reach out to them.  These men and women protected our freedom – let’s protect them.

Bling Grace Lesson – there were no finisher medals for this race.  The top 3 finishers in each of 4 categories received medals.  This one wasn’t about the bling that you wear around your neck.  This one was about the bling in your heart – about learning what you are capable of, and how you can reach beyond yourself.  This just might be my most favorite bling I have in my collection!

 

 

Lovely 7 mile walk this morning exploring Wellston.  Unidentified noises in the woods kept me from exploring too much.

I have really enjoyed my walks around Crystal Lake, watching the changes that are happening as the days go by.  One of the more interesting things to watch has been the geese and the swans.  Swans are still pretty much in the very same position that they were in when we got here.  The geese – actually, just one family – have gotten wiser and braver.  They now float around the lake, right past the swans, and do their “geese” thing.

I see so many life lessons, grace lessons in this little spot.  As I watched the geese glide past the swans, I was reminded of the “swans” in my life.  For most of my school years, I was bullied by other kids.  That was way before bullying became a “thing”.  The intimidation factor hasn’t changed, though.  In high school, I had a teacher that was a “bully”.  On into adulthood, the bullying doesn’t stop.  Many of us are aware of that.  Actually, I saw that on several occasions at work in my immediate supervisors.  I know that even in friendships, bullying behavior occurs.  I’m talking about emotional as well as physical behavior – and the pain and lasting impression it leaves.  It’s interesting, as an adult, to watch other adults engage in manipulation and posturing to control a relationship.  It is very reminiscent of being on the playground with the bully watching them rule their kingdom.

The swans on the lake – as I have mentioned before – are just decoys.  Intended to keep geese away.  As time has passed, the swans have lost their intimidation factor.  The geese, through observation and persistence, have learned that the swans are not a threat.  It took me a lot longer than a couple months to learn this about the swans in my life.  Yesterday, I realized the parallel between the swans on the lake, and the “swans” in my life.  People that have bullied, badgered, and intimidated me.  Intimidation, I realized, is almost a form of self-bullying.  In order to be intimidated, I have to allow myself to feel inferior.  I want to keep this image of this swan in my mind:

The next time I start to feel intimidated, I want to see the person as this swan.  Perhaps beautiful and ‘perfect’ when viewed from a distance, but hollow and empty up close.  The same with feeling bullied – although that is more than just feeling inferior – especially when the bullying gets physical.

I also want to remind myself to be like the geese – persistent, brave, alive, and ready to enjoy life.  Keeping things honest – in the past (as an adult), I was an emotional bully on occasion.  I have since apologized when I could, and when not possible – forgiven myself and sent silent apologies.  I keep those feelings close to my heart as a reminder to not start that journey again.

As my walk continued, I found these beautiful waterlilies.  My grace lesson here involves both the beautiful blooms and the buds not yet open.  I am reminded that we should bloom wherever we are planted, open ourselves fully and let our beauty be seen.  The buds remind me that we will continue to bloom throughout our lives, even if there are dormant periods for growth, rest, and regeneration.

 

Grace lessons:

*Be brave – your swans really are hollow and powerless.  Eventually, they will wash up on shore and be forgotten.  The people you swim with and are brave with you – they will persist.

*Next time you are tempted to feel intimidated, remember the swan.  They are not worth your precious energy.

*You have as much right as any “swan” to share the lake of life.  Paddle on!

*Be a waterlily – bloom with great beauty – with all your heart – because you will continue to bloom in many new and beautiful ways.

 

 

 

 

Bill and I are working together to bring a worship service to church in the morning.  It’s been a long time since either of us has done this, and we’ve never done one together.  It’s a divide and conquer effort, right down to the sermon.

I can easily see my grace lesson in this.  When we were asked, we didn’t know what the Lectionary verses were, we just said yes.  So, God provided Ephesians 4:25 – 5:2.  Zinger!  Direct shot and score!  Believe me, God has a sense of humor as well as justice.  It is easy to speak about something you have personal experience with – even if your experience is of what not to do.

I can see many recent days that were full of quite a bit of the stuff in 4:31 that are on the “don’t do” list.  And I can see where the 4:32 – 5:2 parts were missing.  So, for this timely reminder, thank you God!  Tomorrow should be a joy-filled, if a little nervous experience.  Speaking in front of a group requires bravery on my part.  Bill is a natural.

The past couple days have held other lessons and nudges.  It’s always a huge blessing when one of the kids (or both) are able to visit.  Walter spent the week with us, and we made the most of our time together.

I was given the opportunity to fire a rifle on the shooting range.  Guns are not my favorite thing – having been on the nursing end of the deal…and seeing what they can do.  The men in my life gently (snark here) encouraged me to expand my knowledge.  I learned that they are definitely worth the respect I have for them, and it really was an educational experience.

I was blessed to spend a day with Mom at our “little cabin” – very nostalgic – while Bill and Walt put on a new roof.  What a treasure it was to remember 50 years ago, and share laughs and tears of memories.  My Dad would have loved this day – to have had 3 generations on the roof.  Actually, I think there probably was.

Yesterday, I made a dent in one of my bucket list items.  After spending much time watching the kids and Bill on water skis, and secretly wishing with all my heart that I could do that, Bill and Walt again gently persuaded me to try.  I was okay with the idea, until I realized that my head was going to be under water IN THE LAKE.  Do you know what that lake water looks like?  It has visible floater thingies in it.  I am pretty sure that they are not ALL healthy bacteria or whatever.  Then, after that sunk in, I realized that there were things IN THE LAKE that might TOUCH my legs and feet.  Things I couldn’t see.  Bill helpfully pointed out that alligators and snakes weren’t a concern in this lake, and Walt said the leeches stayed close to the beaches where the food sources were.  I agreed to go out in the boat with them, but politely declined water skiing, citing my VERY VALID concerns.  Bill drives the boat out into the middle of the lake and turns it off.  Then he looked at me – like he really expected me to change my mind and jump right in.  NOT HAPPENING!  So, Walter bails over the side of the boat.  He inoculated himself with everything living and growing in the lake.  Bill followed suit.  Then they started using the water skis and having fun.  Totally not fair.  Now, I have to decide.  Am I going to go home, once again disappointed in myself for not trying, or am I going to get wet?

While I wasn’t entirely successful on my first day, I do believe that I will be upright on those damn skis before long.  I think I was close, but realized that I forgot to ask what the next step was once you start to come up out of the water.  By then, my arms were getting tired.  And, yes, my whole body was underwater in who knows what kind of living organisms – and I’m still breathing.  And, yes, things touched my legs and feet – I’m still pretty grossed out about that whole thing.  I did discover that I could put the skis on and stand on the lake bottom in the shallow area.  One of the most “amazing” discoveries?  That if I relaxed into the whole process, instead of trying to fight all sorts of buoyancy, physics, and gravity laws – it was really fun!

Training recap – not so hot on this front – but tomorrow is a new day.  Family time, so much more important!

One last thing that I did while riding in the boat, I tossed a lot of “garbage” into the wind and water.  Bid it goodbye, and watched it blow on the wind, and sink to the bottom of the lake.  No real stuff to pollute the lake, just the stuff that was polluting my attitude.

Grace lessons:

*Say yes when God nudges.

*Give thanks for the people in your life that care enough to make you jump in the lake, despite the gross stuff.

*Love hard, forgive quickly and generously, and work diligently to be the best you you can be.

I started this morning out by actually getting out of bed when my alarm went off.  Then I took myself out for a brisk walk, despite the strong desire to go back to bed for a couple more minutes.  It was muggy and buggy already by 0700 – so I took a shower in bug spray before setting off and grumbling more.

As I approached Crystal Lake – the little one about a mile and a half from our campsite, I noticed a family of Canadian Geese – two adults and 5 or 6 ‘older’ kids.  They were waddling off into the lake.  This is the same lake that has swan decoys – and if they’re not decoys, they haven’t moved since May (except when somebody got in the lake and tipped several over).  I believe the intent of putting the swans in the lake was to deter the Canadian Geese (especially since real swans are mean).  Since I was trying to be intentional about being present, and not dwelling on the past – or fretting about the future – I thought about what those swans and geese represented.  The swans are pretty to look at – snowy white, very stately.  The geese – they were waddling, making some noise, and their formation was a little loose – on land and in the water.  But they stayed together in their own group – paddled right past those swans – and explored the lake.  Their color and markings, while attractive – weren’t nearly as eye-catching as the swans.  You can see where this is going, right?  We all have swans in our lives, and sometimes it is very enticing to want to be a swan – pretty, stately, eye-catching.  I realized, though, that I have no desire to be a swan.  I’ll opt for plain, real, and stick with my gaggle or skein.

On my way home, I couldn’t help but notice the beautiful skyscape God arranged for my viewing pleasure:

I spent a delightful afternoon dissecting our cadaver plane.  I love learning about how they are put together – and how they come apart.  There has always been an air of mystery for me about what makes an airplane fly.  As I take more apart, I discover that it isn’t all that mysterious.  I also find that I am gaining more confidence in the machine.  Bless Bill – he said maybe we could look for another one to deconstruct after I finish with this one.  I am wondering what it will be like to learn how to put it back together, though.  This one is fun, because it isn’t intended to be put back together.  We purchased it to be an organ donor for 6205A – at the time, I never guessed how much fun I could have with it.

 

Grace Lessons:

-Intentional movement is a wonderful thing – and a fantastic way to start the day.  Bonus points for intentional sweat!

-Choose your gaggle, skein, flock, or tribe based on more than outward appearance.  Especially look for one that is going somewhere – and not stuck in the same place.

-Be amazed at new learning opportunities, expand your horizons, and step out of your comfort zone.  Even if you’re happy and content where you are at – you just might find that even greater happiness and delight is waiting in places you don’t expect!

 

Somewhere around week 9 – and about 4 months before marathon time.  We’ve been on vacation, (I know – our lifestyle IS a vacation, right?) and my mind is in warp drive exploring the possibility of a new career (think terrified, excited, afraid to hope, and overwhelming “are you crazy?”).  And, I’ve lost it.  “It” being my motivation to exercise.  This is a huge problem, and it is compounding daily.  Maybe motivation is a poor choice of words – but I’m just not feeling it – and at the same time – I miss it more than I can describe.

I am spending too much “thinking” time and not enough “doing” time.  I am grumpy, physically feel blah, starting to feel achy, not sleeping well…kinda sounds like the flu, right?  It’s not – it is simply sweat deprivation.  Failure to achieve meaningful sweaty type activity on a daily basis.  I know this, because I feel it deep in my soul.  And my soul is complaining.

Soul:  Hey – lazy @$$ – another day you haven’t been sweating…

Me:  The day is not over yet…but I have a lot to do.

Soul:  Like?

Me:  Ummm, I should make a list.

Soul:  You?  Make a list?  Why?  So you can lose it (again)?

Me:  Not nice.

Soul:  Truth.  What are you waiting for?  Do you really want to feel the way you do now?  For forever?  Why are you avoiding what you know will make you feel better?

Me:  I’m busy.  Making a list.

Soul:  Seriously – why did you sign up for those runs and the marathon?  What is NOT moving going to accomplish?

Me:

Soul:  Get over yourself.  What is really going on here?  Fear?  Hurt?  Not good enough?  You know what works.  Go back to Boot Camp basics.  Nutrition, commit to 30 minutes a day, use all the terrific resources you have here.  Mostly – believe in yourself.  You did it once.

Me:  That was then.

Soul:  And this is now.  NOW.  End this blog post, get up, and go move.  30 minutes – I dare you.  And while you’re at it, forget the past.  Let go of future fear.  Live in this moment.  Be excited about what is coming next – God has great plans.

Me:  Let’s go?

We went fishing last night – a perfect evening for sitting on the dock, fishing, and contemplating life.  My pole was rigged with a bobber, so I only had to hold the pole and watch the bobber.  Simple enough, but apparently you really need to pay attention to the bobber and make sure it isn’t playing peek-a-boo with you.

Sure enough, I actually focused on the bobber – or where it was supposed to be…it seemed to have taken up swimming under water.  Fortunately, didn’t lose my bait, but lost the bite.  This is a good time to admit that I like to fish with no bait – therefore I don’t have to pay attention.  Fishing presents a perfect opportunity for soul chatting when your hook is without bait.  I cast my line, and was rewarded with a huge backlash (comparable to the WORST ever case of yarn barf).  I’m pretty sure my dad just about fell off his cloud in heaven laughing at me.  Can’t blame the rod or the reel, definitely angler error!

The mess was overwhelming (like life can be at times), Bill handed me his pocket knife and told me to start cutting (like Jesus talking about pruning trees and vines to make them bear more fruit).  Sigh….roll my eyes like a teenage girl….and mutter about no more fishing.

Then my soul resumed our chat (previously, we were discussing how peaceful the evening was)…”and exactly what are you going to do about this snarled, tangled mess?”

Me:  “well, it’s going to take forever.  I could just cut off all the line and buy a new spool.”

Soul:  “Really?  That’s all you got?  You are going to be beaten by tangled fishing line?  You really didn’t want anything to bite the bait anyway.  We can still chat while you unravel.”

Me:  “Bobber fishing doesn’t require active participation or much attention.”

Soul:  “Unless you really want to catch something.  Dare you to salvage this situation.”

Me:  “No fair.  You know I can’t resist a challenge.”

Soul:  “Think about your life.  Cut away the loose stuff.  Pull the cut pieces away and get rid of them completely.  Be patient – take time and pay attention to which line is the important one.”

Me:  “But the sunset, and the breeze, and the evening sounds…”

Soul:  “They are still present.  Take breaks, look up and around.  Feel and absorb the peace and beauty around you.  That is what feeds me.  Fill me up, and untangle the line.”

 

So, I did just that.  Lost a minimum of line, and have a nice, tight spool ready to fish again.

 

Me:  “Thank you.  I needed that.”

Soul:  “We are not done.  That was just the beginning…”

Me:  BIG sigh, and roll my eyes like a teenage girl.

This picture just warms my heart.  Everything about this nourishes my soul.  The man who loves me unconditionally (and is willing to take me fishing), the sounds of evening, the beauty of the sunset, the peaceful water, and the ability to sit silently together without words.

Grace Lesson:  Take the time to unravel the tangles, cut away loose bits that don’t serve you well any more.  See beyond the mess to the beauty and core that is there.  Find the lines (people, places and things) that are important.  Be patient, and remember to feed your soul.

 

It’s Oshkosh time again.  Days of walking and easily logging 10k steps.  Days of dreaming, learning, exploring, and this year – working on making dreams come true.

I bought myself the Aviation Maintenance General Technician text for A&P, and we spent today checking out certificate programs to earn an A&P certificate.  The text is reassuring – there is a lot to learn, but it wasn’t all Greek to me.

As I wrote last year, this is the place to dream dreams, imagine the impossible, and believe all things are within reach.  In order for this to happen, it’s important to open your mind and your heart.  Let go of all negative thoughts and self-imposed limits.  I spent some serious time thinking about this today.  This is the place for me that encourages me to dream, imagine, believe, and open my mind and heart.  I hold out both hands, palms upward – ready to receive as much goodness as I can grab.  It was an ‘aha’ moment to realize that I choose this place to represent what it does.  So I can also choose to have the same experience in any setting.  (I totally get that we always have the choice to bloom where we are planted – or not.)  It’s more the realization that the magnitude of feeling can be found in the setting of my choice.  I also find myself expressing gratitude to God almost continuously – like a constant conversation.  Another ‘aha’ moment – gratitude is a major component of this whole process.

My grace lesson – choose this moment – wherever you are – dream, imagine, believe – open yourself (heart, mind, and soul) to all possibilities – and remain constantly grateful for life.  Realize the incredible bravery it takes to do this – honor yourself for taking this step.

 

 

Questions…

1. Do you have a bridge to take you from fear to faith?
2. If not, what will it take to build it?
3. If you do, what do you do to maintain it?
4. Do you have fear of or faith in your body/relationship with yourself?
5. If fear, what will it take to build faith in it?
6. If faith, how do you maintain it?

How and why?  I have this written on my yoga mat:  “building my bridge from fear to faith”.  Read it at the beginning of class.  These 6 questions kept floating through my mind during savasana.

Kinda let this slip a bit.  We’ve had rather hostile running weather for the past month.  Yesterday was glorious – just begging to host a run.  So I did – and it was awesome!  Hill repeats and fooling around with some of the information I have been learning about running.  There really is some great information out there.

What I’ve learned over the past month:  Heat is not my friend.  Even hydrating well, dressing light, going out early – just not worth it.  Feeling sick after a run just isn’t worth it – there are other options.  Yoga, Tai Chi, stretching, strength workouts, walking to log the miles, swimming – it all works.

I’m sore today – not a “bad” sore, not pain – just that muscle soreness that lets you know that you have done something very good for yourself.  I’ve missed that feeling.  I’m pretty sure it will be around more now, though.

Marathon is about 18 weeks out.  The second race of the Trio is about 7 weeks out.  Looking forward to a fun 5k next weekend.  I am not going to participate in the Tri this year.  Logistics for training combined with getting a late start for training combine to make it not happen this year.  I’ve found an event mid-August that has piqued my interest – something I really haven’t done before but won’t require training.

In the past, I worked with a coach.  That ended at the beginning of June.  I am taking responsibility for planning, choosing resources, and developing my own plan – and as I mentioned before – it feels so good.  No need to share the details here, and I’m not clear on some of it myself – but if you have any questions, feel free to contact me.  I’ve watched some incredibly inspirational people make remarkable progress on their own.  I am learning so much by doing my own research…and learning is good.  And I am returning to a program that I know works, and I will be incorporating it with new stuff.

Grace lessons:  Thankful that God sees fit to throw some cool weather this way!  Thankful for the sweet soreness that tells you you’re making progress.  Thankful for stepping up, stepping out, and believing in myself.  Really thankful for the grace to set the Tri aside without feeling compelled to do it anyway, knowing that I can plan for it, train for it, and complete it another time.

How amazing is it that each of us was created as a unique person by the same God that created things like flowers, sand dollars, sunrise, and rainbows and so very much more.  Rita played “His Eye Is On The Sparrow” this morning during Prelude.  What an overwhelming thought – He cares enough to number the grains of sand, and the stars in the sky.  He cares for the plain little sparrow.  He cares for each of us.  Nothing you can do can cause Him not to care, or care less, or care more.  You can swap out love for the word care – and it remains true.  I think most of us have heard this expressed so many times that we tend to just nod and smile.  How often do we really feel it?  Find something in nature that you consider amazing or awesome (whatever your chosen word) – sit down and get comfortable – and really look at it.  Now, remind yourself, the same God that made this made me.  Talk about love….unconditional, priceless, can’t be bought.

Pastor Laurie talked about how we are known this morning.  I started thinking about how I “know” others.  Often, I find I think I know someone, only to be blown away by how wrong I was.  Some people, though, are rock solid.  (That may be good, or bad – you know what I mean.)  I am very blessed to have a few people that are rock solid good – the kind that you can sit down with, face to face, and explore the ugly stuff that needs to be dealt with, and to be able to celebrate for no reason.  That’s the kind of person I aspire to be known as.  That is a hard thing to achieve, and worthy of respect.  There is a lot to think about with this idea.  How do I want to be known? I want to be authentic – just me.  If you know me in one role, I should be the same person in all other facets.  For example, if I have been your nurse, I should be easily recognizable if we meet on the street, or in the store.  If I cared for you as a patient, I should continue that caring across the spectrum.  That’s a tall order.  It really is a lot to think about.