Lert's Lessons in Grace

I often hear or read that a dream written down becomes a goal (so, a goal not written down stays a dream).  What happens after you commit the goal to paper?  I have a tendency to get stuck in analysis paralysis.  I am using a quarterly journal that has been helpful in working through this.  You break your goals down into quarterly goals, and identify monthly, weekly, and daily steps to make dreams and goals reality.  It really works!

If you’re not familiar with analysis paralysis – it’s simply getting stuck in your head – thinking too much and not taking action.  I can create grand goals, and break them down into many different action plans – in my mind.  Working with my journal, committing to paper, and then taking the first tiny steps sets everything in motion.  Breaking those goals into manageable, bite-sized bits diminishes the sense of overwhelming impossibility that comes with big dreams and goals.  Focusing on the moment – the very next step that needs to be taken and actually doing – it is huge.

Failing to break analysis paralysis, or to sit down and put your goals on paper is a goal killer.  Your dreams will always be just that.  Dreams.  No more, no less.  Eventually they will turn into regrets.  Not taking responsibility for YOUR OWN happiness and future is a dream killer.  You will always be able to find someone or something to blame for not accomplishing your dreams.  Unless you are committed to yourself and taking ownership of your happiness.  I get that it’s not always easy to just decide to make your dreams a reality.  Most often, though, it really is….and there are many more mental obstacles than physical ones.  The very hardest, biggest, baddest obstacle you will likely have to overcome is your own mindset.  That is where breaking things down into tiny little steps (and yes, it is a bit time-consuming) comes in.  Take baby steps, take it slow, but take it.  God created you – a magnificent, unique person with wonderful gifts and talents.  And He gave you dreams for the very purpose of turning them into goals to make your journey on Earth wonderful.

Right now, I am struggling with a challenge.  Struggling to understand why I have it.  (It’s not health related – I’m okay!)  Something that I used to really enjoy is not so enjoyable right now.  I had been keeping it bottled up, actually out of shame.  Finally decided to get out of my head and be really brave and talk with Bill about it.  Instinctively, I knew he would understand and help me – but I let shame hold me back.  The moment I decided I wanted to understand the challenge, possible answers started appearing.  One of the biggest “issues” I have identified is belief in myself – trusting myself.

The thing about fears and challenges – they are dream and goal killers also.  And if you don’t deal with them head-on, you are left with regrets.  This was really brought to my attention yesterday.  One of my goals this quarter (March through May) is to PR my 5k run time.  I wrote it down, broke it down, and have been half-heartedly working on it.  All the while telling myself that it probably wasn’t going to happen.  Then I decided that if I missed one of my shorter goals or actions toward that goal, nothing would happen.  I was exactly right – NOTHING HAPPENED!  Yesterday, Bill went out for his run, and I was fiddling around and developing some excellent excuses for not running, and just getting a walk in.  I stepped back and looked at myself – and didn’t like what I saw.  So I took the first step.  Well, several actually…threw together a new playlist for music, grabbed my earphones (which died halfway through…guess you have to charge them occasionally!), and headed out the door.  Firmly squelching the “oh just walk” that kept jumping to the forefront, I made those steps happen quicker.  For 3.1 miles.  And came within 30 seconds/mile of my PR.  Concrete proof that my goal is absolutely attainable.

That doesn’t mean that it will be easy from now on to just go run.  But I can’t use the “can’t do it” excuse anymore – not legitimately.  The other challenge – it’s a bit bigger and tougher – at least that is what my mind is telling me.  I am writing it down, breaking it down, and working on the steps.  Having only regrets would be devastating.

Grace is a wonderful thing, I am blessed to have a few people who regularly extend grace beyond measure.  Life is a work in progress, and that progress is magnified because of grace.

Don’t let your dreams and challenges become regrets.  Write them down.  Break them down.  Take the first step – as many times as you have to.

It’s amazing to me that you can hear something repeatedly, but until your heart and mind are open and ready to receive the message, it will be meaningless.  My heart and mind have been open and receptive these past few days, and five messages seem to have lodged firmly in my awareness.

“Teach me the patience of unanswered prayer.”

This line from a hymn on Sunday really stood out for me.  It is (at least for me) very easy to pray – just take it all and send it on it’s merry way to God.  He will deal with it.  How very hard it is to wait for the answer—at least the answer you want.  Learning the lesson of patience is such an important component of personal growth.  Just as important is praying for discernment to know the difference between unanswered prayer, prayer answered with “no”, and prayer answered with a different answer than you wanted.  It seems that you need to summon your childlike faith, the patience of a saint, the wisdom on Solomon, and the optimism of Pollyanna to even consider making this request.  This takes “adulting” to a whole new level.

“What is your driving force?”

This was the focus of Chaplain Stanley’s sermon on Sunday.  It is so easy to lose focus of the things that drive our intention/mission/path.  What drives you?  What is your passion?  Sometimes, you have to “do” things that may not necessarily be your passion – but that will help you pursue that passion.  Do you have well-defined goals?  Or are you just getting up in the morning because you can’t lie in bed any longer?  Then wander aimlessly through the day until you can crawl back in bed again?  Okay, so we probably all have those days once in a while – but that should be the very rare occasion.  Are you excited about life?  If not, why?  You deserve to be a joy-filled explorer in hot pursuit of exciting things – chasing that which drives you.  Yes.  You.  You are worthy – but you have to take action.  Do more than just strategize about “some day”.  Reacquaint yourself with your dreams (no matter how outlandish they may seem).  Take at least one small step in the direction of achieving them.  Get up off that couch, out of that bed, lace up your shoes, and begin.  Because once that first step is taken, you are that much closer.  The second step is a little easier and moves you just a tad closer.  Keep repeating the process, and remember that a step is movement – even if not forward.  Newton’s Laws of Motion apply!

“Your word is your bond.”

 My daughter gave me a journal for Christmas.  It was supposed to be used for 108 days.  Honestly, I have never read something so intense.  There is no way I will finish in 108 days, and even when I reach the last page, I will be able to start at the beginning and not read it the same.  Right now, I am in a section about agreements.  Specifically, agreements with yourself.

How do you feel when you promise someone something, and then fail to deliver?  How do you feel when someone does that to you?  Personally, (and predictably) – I feel let down, deserted, like I was not good enough, and a definite lack of trust in that person.  I know that disappointments are bound to happen – we are all human.  But this experience has taught me to be careful with my words and promises to others.

So now, the really tough question.  What happens when you fail to deliver on your promises to yourself?  For me – disappointed in myself, not good enough – not worthy, not trusting myself to set and accomplish goals.  Didn’t realize this much until working through this question in the journal.  Lesson learned:  Not only to others – but in promises/goals I make for myself – choose them carefully and be ready to invest in them fully.  Keep in mind that I am human, not perfect (see below), and be gentle with myself when disappointment comes.   If it comes from another person – remember that their failure to deliver is not a reflection on my worthiness – rather a reflection of their ability to follow through.

“No one is perfect, don’t hold yourself to perfect standards.”

This is like one of those “duh” realizations.  I trot this statement out so often to others.  Never to myself.  Do I expect everyone/anyone to be perfect?  OF COURSE NOT!  No one is perfect.  Except the feeling that I should be.  How ridiculous is that?  But do I cut myself slack?  Do I remind myself I am not expected to be perfect?  OF COURSE NOT!  Why should I give myself the gentleness and permission to be human and make mistakes, or experience learning opportunities?  Gee whiz – that would be like treating myself with kindness…

Working on this.  Along with the ability to laugh at mistakes and appreciate the learning opportunities.  Working on being able to be curious about what worked well, and what can be changed to move forward.

“It’s okay to ask for help.  AKA be not only a cheerful giver – but a cheerful receiver”

 I think this is closely related to perfectionism.  Another truth I frequently use with others – just not with myself.  We were created to be in community.  Work with others, build them up, let them build us up.  Our strengths and weakness work together to make us better.  Helping others is, if nothing else, an activity that makes you feel good.  Being able to ask for help takes huge courage and bravery.  Offering help is easy – sometimes even selfish (you get the benefit of feeling good).

Receiving help.  Is it easy for you?  If not, why not?  Is it an admission of being human?  Needing help with something?  Kinda destroys the superman/woman image, doesn’t it?  Admitting that we need help is not an admission of weakness or incompetence.  Accepting help doesn’t have to be done grudgingly or in bad temper.  Remember how good it feels to help someone?  Why should you deny someone else that feeling?  Or maybe, accepting help means you are worthy of the attention and compassion of another person?  You can only accept help if you feel you are worthy?

We are called to share the gifts and talents God has blessed us with.  We must also allow others to share their gifts and bless our lives.

Lots of “love from above” when you are able to open your heart and mind to messages.  Many grace lessons this week!

 

Sometimes I need reminding why I do what I do.  This was such an excellent visual representation of what exercise does for me – and I suspect for everyone that participates in some form of movement that induces elevated heart rate, sweating, and shortness of breath!

 

Me and my brain before exercise:

 

Me and my brain after:

 

“Brain” includes attitude and outlook, demeanor, and energy level!

Try it!  You’ll like it!

(This is a tad overdue, but at least it is getting out there.)

After spending some time at the hair salon last week, I realized how little recognition may be given to all those unsung heroes in service professions.  Watching and listening (and personally experiencing) the interaction between stylist and “stylee” was interesting.  These men and women listen to a multitude of problems, cares and concerns, and confessions every day.  Almost without exception, with an attitude of caring and compassion.  They also handle a variety of insecurities about body image and self-confidence with grace.  It takes someone really special to do this day after day

Having plenty of time to observe and reflect, I started thinking about the other people that cross our paths and do the same thing.  Store clerks (especially in clothing and health/beauty departments), pharmacy workers, fitness instructors, nurses, doctors, first-responders, the list is endless.

It is a huge blessing when you can count family members and close friends in this group as well. (And believe me, I am blessed in this respect!)

They may not have the “official title” of Life Coach – but they nail it!  Many thanks to my myriad life coaches out there – you rock it!

 

#johndavis

Today is one of those days that is an unexpected gift.  My RFT journal challenge for today was to be open keep an open mind) to love and light.  What a blessing it turned out to be!

We spent part of the day on the beach fishing and enjoying the sun and warm south winds.  In the blink of an eye, literally, the weather changed.  The wind changed from south to north, clouds rolled over, the wind became fierce, and the temps dropped almost 15 degrees.  The clouds were dramatic during this brief transformation.  Really cool to observe the frontal passage.  I think there is a grace lesson in there:  appreciate the moment – because it can change dramatically in seconds.  Observe the change when it happens – don’t get caught up in the drama – just observe.

I had delayed my walk this morning because the humidity and high temps were just unfriendly.  With the cooler temps, I set off to explore the base after our fishing excursion.  I walked behind a family and enjoyed watching their journey.  The youngest girl was on her (obviously) new bike, pretty (and very cool) bike helmet, handlebar streamers, and her bike bell on the handlebar.  Training wheels were present – and set so that they were not in constant contact with the ground.  Mom, Dad, and big sister were flanking her and cheering her on with support and guidance.  It was interesting to note that most of the time, she was balancing and not using the support of the training wheels.  It became apparent that she wasn’t aware of this, because when Dad pointed it out, she immediately wobbled and leaned to the left for the support of the training wheel.  This little darling is just about ready to fly without those training wheels – she just doesn’t believe it – or believe in herself yet.

How many “TWs” – training wheels – do we place on ourselves?  Ideas or notions that we feel like we have to have to keep us upright and steady?  Thoughts like “I can’t do this alone”, “I’m not smart enough to go back to school”, “I’m too old/too young”, “I’m not good enough”, “I’ve never tried that before”, “I’m just a _______ (fill in the blank)”.  TWs offer safety and security – so do anchors.  And just as an anchor keeps a boat from sailing, TWs keep us from exploring adventure and new experiences.

I know I have several (okay, maybe more than that) TWs that I hang on to for dear life.  I also know that I have some trusted people in my life walking beside me, encouraging me, and telling me I don’t need the TWs anymore.  Working on surrendering those TWs is challenging.  How about you?  Do you have TWs that need to come off?  It is interesting to really look at what you might consider your TWs – think about why you hold on to them.  Why you don’t want to let them go…  What might happen when you do let them go…  We’ve all lived through skinned knees and road rash from the first few solo rides minus the TWs… Remember the feeling that you were riding faster than the wind?  Toss off the training wheels and race the wind again!

Two-year olds.  I watched an adorable little girl on the beach during my run.  Actually, she was the reason it went from a power walk to a run.  She must have been about two – she had ambulation nailed, didn’t respond to “no”, and was trying really hard to outpace her Mom on the beach running to the ocean and chasing the seagulls.  It was cooler, and one of her family members had donated their sweatshirt to keep her warm.  She was on a mission – at first I thought she was just trying to chase the birds to make them fly.  Watching her, though, I think she was trying to figure out how to fly and hover like the birds.  She ran, arms outstretched and flapping, and giggling trying to keep pace with the gulls.  She was the picture of pure joy, loving life, and believing she could fly with the “birdies”.  She ran, and just oozed happiness.  I must have stepped in some – because all the sudden, instead of walking, I was running and laughing as well!

Grace Lessons:

1. Find delight in this very moment.  It can change quickly and with little or no warning.
2. Check for TWs – see what needs to be removed that is slowing your amazing progress.
3. Be like a 2-year old. Ooze joy and happiness so everyone around you steps in it and absorbs it.  Run with your arms outstretched, flap your wings, laugh, giggle, and fly full of joy!

It’s always good to celebrate small victories!

Today is day 36 in a streak of logging at least 1 mile/day of intentional walking and/or running.  Celebrating this because it includes 7 days of driving all day, 3 days spent in airports, driving in and through 6 states twice, and weather that included rain, wind, cold, snow, -20 degree windchills, 80 degree days, and sunshine.  It includes dreadmills, beach, hotel parking lots, ice covered roads, mud puddles, trails, big bridges, medium bridges, and baby bridges.

In January, I joined a challenge to complete 100 miles in 3 months.  I finished the 100 miles before the end of January.  I decided to up the ante and joined a challenge to complete 1200 miles in 2019.   Today, my cumulative total is 145 miles.  I’m about 12 miles behind schedule for this month – and I think that is a win, considering the challenges I mention above are primarily from February.  (BTW – I wouldn’t change a thing – those challenges were part of a delightfully epic adventure!)

Walking meditations – these are no small victory – they are huge wins.  Almost 15 miles of contemplation and eye-opening revelations.  They have the potential to be addicting.

Working through the RFT Journal.  It’s difficult to describe this journey – and there is no way to assign value – it is a priceless gift.

SMH revelation:  when you hire someone to do something for you – it is not incumbent on you to prove yourself worthy of their service.  It is their responsibility to live up to what they are offering you.  (Classic example – you hire someone to clean your house – and feel compelled to clean the house before they arrive so they won’t think you are messy.)  And no, I am not hiring a cleaning service for our “home”!

Finally – with two weeks left in my BSJ, it’s time to review and evaluate long term goals and set quarterly goals accordingly.  It’s also time to pick my rewards for accomplishing those goals.

Today was a good day.  Tori finished her first half marathon and crushed another goal/milestone she set for herself.  That is her story to tell.  Me – I am just so proud of her and what she accomplished today.  It is an awesome feeling to be just a very small part of this.

 

I also finished the half, my pace was a little slower than hers.  The run started out on a painful note – I was about ready to quit at mile 2 due to some ugly shin splints.  Decided to keep at it – and what a joy it was.  Met another new running friend and experienced the joy of a conversational pace!

I have been intrigued by Team Red, White, and Blue almost since I started running – but had a huge case of “not good enough”.  My new friend is a Team RWB member and introduced me to the group on a very detailed level.  Around mile 4, I decided that when I finished the half today, I would reward myself by joining the Team.  So, I did!  I think this is an opportunity for my running to mean something to others – as well as myself.

As usual – I was near the end of the finishers.  I am learning that I think this is where I really enjoy being.  I heard some really remarkable stories today.  Stories that fill me with appreciation for being able to choose to move my body and push it in a healthy way.  Gratitude abounds!

The run was pretty (s)ucky.  The first two miles getting off base were accompanied by those shin splints.  About the time they started to abate, I met my new friend.  The next mile was pleasantish.  Then we started the bridges…the big suck bridge, the medium suck bridge, the baby suck bridge – and by then it was definitely raining.  Then it was the baby suck bridge, the medium suck bridge, and finally the big suck bridge.  While we visited the bridges for the second time, the north wind picked up in a big way – the rain was horizontal in copious amounts, and we could actually see our breath for a while.  By the end of the second pass on the baby bridge, I couldn’t feel my legs, and was wishing for leggings instead of shorts.  By the end of the big bridge on the return, I think I would have traded much for a garbage bag to use as a rain coat.  At that point, we decided our 1-mile warm-up for our 5k was probably overkill in the warm-up arena.  Seriously, it was pretty sweet knowing that we only had 3.1 miles to go.  Until we turned into the base and started running directly into the wind.

We celebrated with ice cream (thank you Mom) after a delicious lunch (thank you Bill), warm shower, and a quick nap.  I am so blessed to have such a supportive family – and am grateful beyond belief to have Bill as my “Main (Support) Squeeze”.  Don’t know what I ever did to deserve him – but Thank. You. God.!

Yes, it really was an exceptionally good day.  I am so blessed to be able to embrace the yuck – the weather, the hills/bridges, the sore legs – my body continues to amaze me and challenge me to find out what else it can do.  I think about the people I know that can’t do this – and carry them in my heart with me.  I hear the stories from others – the challenges they have gone through – and realize that sore feet are a joy-filled reminder that I CAN – AND I WILL!

It was a beautiful morning (if you don’t mind really stiff winds) to walk the beach this morning and contemplate life.  There weren’t any special shells or goodies to pick up on the beach – but there were some lovely truths to treasure.

I have a friend that is having a heart procedure today – and it’s been a rocky road for him.  So many of my friends are prayer warriors – and if you’re reading this, please say a prayer for Howard.  Anyway, walking the beach, into the wind and fighting it – I started thinking about him.  He leans into challenges – so I took a page from his book.  Leaned into the wind, considered the thought that he couldn’t do what I am doing right now – and knocked off the 5 miles with prayers at each step.  Never Quit!!!

One of the truths that kept resonating during the walk was embracing our imperfections.  Most of the shells on the beach today were broken fragments – they’ve seen a lot of action from the waves and the sand.  Aren’t we all broken fragments?  Realize, though, that you are beautiful in your imperfections.  Just like the waves and sand, life has given you a unique shape – God brings things into your life to shape and guide your journey.  Lean into them, embrace them, look for the good and the growth in them.  Know that you are lovable and loved – just the way you are.  Most important – love yourself and keep that love strong – just as you are – imperfect, lovable and worthy.

I turned that thought inward – on myself.  I am imperfect, lovable, beautiful, I am worthy.  I love and accept me – my body, my mind, what I am, who I am – just the way I am.  And because I can do that for myself – I realize that my capacity to do that for others has increased exponentially.

Grace lesson:  Treasure the truth that you are loveable, worthy, and beautiful just as you are.   Repeat after me:  I am worthy.  I am loveable.  I love myself – body, mind, and soul.  I am beautiful.  Just. As. I. Am.

And, please, say a prayer for Howard and his family!

 

This patch of beach held a variety of footprints in a small area.  It’s a good reminder that we all leave footprints everywhere we go, and on everyone we meet.  Some of those prints will be easily washed away, and probably leave very little (if any) trace.

I see this as a challenge to consider what kind of footprints I leave – especially in someone’s life, or on their heart.  Work to be aware and leave footprints that hold loving and beautiful memories.  When you look back on the footprints that have been left in your heart, I’m sure you will find some made in love – just as there are some that have left tears.  Let the footprints in your heart guide your actions and interactions with others so your footprints are those of joy!

Just as the beach held reminders of actions, the sky seemed to hold messages of paths.  The contrails were particularly lovely against the vivid blue sky.  The contrail starts out as a single slim path across the sky, over time spreading and becoming less distinct.  Depending on the location in the sky, there are eventually many intersections at various points in the “life” of a contrail.  Today the sky depicted an interesting cross section of contrails at various stages of evolution and many intersecting points.  Just as we cross the paths of many, we create a contrail of our own.  How many intersections do you have?  I hope that you cross many paths, spread out and touch as many people as possible with your beauty, and make lovely sky pictures!

 

Today was a gift!  A present wrapped up in sunshine and cool breezes and surprises.  We have been making an effort to not over-plan each day.  Bill likes to start the day by asking what we want – WANT – to do with the day.  That is still kind of hard for me.  I feel like a rudderless ship, or an airplane without a destination.

Our decision today was to go for a bike ride.  After all, we hauled the bikes down here, they probably ought to do something more than sit here on our site looking lonely, right?  A base perimeter ride sounded like a good idea at the time.  We set off and it was a great day for a ride.  We were also aware that the commissioning ceremony for the USS Wichita was happening on base, but we didn’t have tickets to attend.  It would be over by the time we navigated to that side of the base anyway.  As we navigated to the wharf area, we stopped to talk to some of the security folks.  They alerted us to the possibility of securing a tour – so we increased our speed and headed to the Wichita.  We arrived in time to join the last tour and boarded the ship.  2 hours later, we were much wiser and very appreciative of this new addition to Naval Station Mayport.  As we pedaled toward home, we decided to stop for a cup of coffee at the NEX – about 12 miles into the ride.  (Keep in mind, we haven’t been on the bikes for a very long time…)  “Hopping” back on the bike was more like a concerted effort at this point, and the 3 miles home was a little more difficult!  We did take a 1 mile stroll on the beach with Piper to stretch those tight leg muscles, and take in a lovely sunset.  The bike ride?  Yeah, we’ll feel it tomorrow – but it was so worth it.  Look what surrendering to the day yielded.  It really did seem like a good idea at the time!

The sunset was beautiful.  As I watched and took in the beauty of that sunset, I realized that the difference between beautiful sunrises and sunsets was simply a matter of turning 180 degrees on the beach.  Also, stepping back and turning 90 degrees allows a view of the eastern and western sky.  I know this is no startling new revelation.  Try it on while thinking about your journey for the day (or longer).  Keeping the beginning and the resting time in sight – and realizing that they are not finite ends.  Sunrise brings thoughts (for me) of new possibilities – a lovely blank canvas to create the day.  Sunsets – never thought much about them other than the natural beauty.  Today, I realized that they are not only the finishing touches on the canvas of the day – but a reminder of the beauty and potential that will be reappearing in the morning.  In yoga, we end our session with savasana (Corpse Pose) to allow incorporation or integration of our experience.  Sunsets are a perfect opportunity for a soul savasana.  The darkness of night becomes a time of comfort, rest, and anticipation of the new day that comes with sunrise.

Surrender to the day and all it’s hidden promises.

Appreciate and honor sunrise and sunset, give your soul nurturing rest.

If it seems like a good idea at the time – it probably is.

These are my grace lessons today!